The Surprising Link Between Your Self-Image and Procrastination
What if the very thing that gives you confidence is causing you to procrastinate and self-sabotage?
In previous posts, I said the part of the brain that creates wants and desires works separately from the part that allows you to pursue those desires.
The part that allows you to pursue them checks many criteria, and one of them is your self-image.
In other words, the self-image you are so desperately trying to uphold can be the very thing holding you back.
What Is Self-Image?
At the most basic level, a self-image is a mental picture of who we are.
We all carry an image of ourselves that describes our personality, abilities, appearance, and more importantly, how good we think we are at something.
A person can have a self-image that includes:
I'm smart
I’m creative
I'm talented
I’m tech savvy
The self-image can reinforce the positive
Holding a self-image that I’m smart or I’m creative not only gives us confidence, but makes us feel like we matter.
It can also be a source of strength that pushes us to act in ways that reinforce our self-image.
For example, if a person thinks that they are smart, that self-image will motivate them to study.
Or if a person has a self-image that I’m creative, they’re likely to take on creative projects.
At the same time, the self-image can become a cage
So, instead of pushing us to act, it holds us back. Meaning, our self-image can keep us from studying, applying ourselves, or doing anything to put ourselves out there.
In other words, if a person has a self-image that they’re smart, that self-image can actually keep them from studying.
If a person has a self-image that they’re creative, the self-image will keep them from putting their work out there.
This happens because if things don’t go well or the person experiences difficulty, they have to face the fact that they’re not as smart or creative as they believe to be.
So, the brain will keep a person from taking action to guard the self-image.
Self-Image Examples
Harper Lee, author of the widely popular, To Kill a Mockingbird, illustrates this perfectly.
When she initially published her novel, she wasn't expecting much from it. In fact, by her own account, she was bracing for the book to sink quietly and had hoped, at most, for a little encouragement from a few kind reviewers.
Instead, it sold millions of copies, won the Pulitzer Prize, and became one of the most widely read novels in American history.
Lee lived another 55 years, but didn’t publish another novel.
It’s not that she didn’t try!
By multiple accounts, she tried for years after.
Reportedly, she was deep into a second Southern novel, and later spent time on a true-crime book about an Alabama preacher. Though, neither reached print.
One account that surfaced after her death claims she destroyed an entire manuscript, setting fire to it during a difficult night in New York.
I would say the success of her first book created a self-image so high, she couldn’t bear to risk damaging it by publishing a second book.
As a result, she hesitated, procrastinated, and even sabotaged the success of a second book by burning an entire manuscript.
As long as nothing followed Mockingbird, "the woman who wrote it" remained exactly as great as her best work, permanently.
Suave and Macho
A more common, relatable example is with us men.
Many men see themselves as suave, macho, and great with the ladies.
But when it’s time to approach or talk to a woman, they'll shy away. That’s because if things don’t go well, they have to face the fact that they’re not as suave or macho as they make themselves out to be.
As long as they don't approach, they can continue believing they're the guy who could get the girl, and never have to find out that they can’t.
How Does Self-Image Form?
From the previous examples, you can see the self-image forms two ways—it forms internally or other’s project it onto us.
For the many men who see themselves as suave and macho, no one is necessarily projecting that image onto them. Instead, they are the ones trying to convince others that this is who they are.
In the case of Harper Lee, she wasn’t trying to convince others that she was a great writer, the success of the book essentially pushed it on her.
Either way, it is not something you choose
It is chosen by your unconscious.
At a certain point growing up, your brain came to the conclusion that you’re not “good enough” as you are, and began forming an image it believes you need to uphold to get people to like and respect you.
For us men, our minds learn at an early age that we have to be successful with women to get people to like and respect us, so it creates that self-image.
If, on the other hand, the mind learns that being a great writer is what will bring attention and respect, it’ll motivate us to pursue that self-image.
Self-Image Struggles
A big struggle with the self-image is that your mind will create pressure to maintain it.
One of the ways it does that is by keeping you from doing anything that might challenge or damage it.
For example, take a kid who grows up with relatively little attention in life. His parents don't give him much time, he doesn’t receive praise from teachers, nor does he have many friends at school.
As he enters junior high, he shows signs of intelligence, and suddenly, his parents and teachers begin praising him for being naturally smart.
His unconscious picks up that being naturally smart is a positive quality
One that he believes will bring him the attention and affection he craves.
So, his unconscious latches on to that as a self-image to uphold, and creates pressure to uphold it.
That’s all fine and dandy because it motivates him to do well in school.
But now imagine, he is offered an opportunity that means stepping outside his comfort zone. Maybe he is asked to speak in front of a group or take on a challenge where there is a real possibility of failure.
Unconsciously, that poses a threat to his self-image. What if he fails, looks foolish, or worse, people realize he’s not really as smart as everyone thinks?
The easiest way to prevent any of this from happening is to avoid the opportunity altogether. This is how the self-image leads to hesitation, procrastination and even self-sabotage.
In many ways, self-image is a survival thing
The brain really believes you have to uphold the image it’s created for survival.
Again, it will prevent you from doing anything that might damage it in an effort to survive.
How to Overcome Procrastination and Self-Sabotage from Self-Image
1. Understand You’re Not Alone
First, realize you’re not alone.
Most of us have this going on, including all the people on your social media feed.
I’ll go as far as to say that for many, the image they’re present on social media is partly an attempt to convince everyone—including themselves—that they are this person.
And yes, you’re doing it too :)
2. Accept You’re Not Great
Second, come to terms with the fact that there’s a good chance you really aren’t as great as you think. And more than likely, people aren’t going to think so either.
Either way, you have to put yourself out there to find out.
And if you’re not that great, putting yourself out there will give you the necessary practice and feedback to become that great.
3. Let Go of Your Self-Image
The best thing a person can do is let go of any image they’re holding.
The more a person can let go of their self-image, the more free they become to do other things.
The brain is not going, “well, I’m not this self-image so I can’t do this.” Or “because I am this self-image, I have to do that.”
Letting go of the self-image frees us to do more things.
4. Understand the Reason
Understand the reason you’re wanting to hold the image in the first place. The majority of your self-image is people focused—to either get people to like and respect you, to not have them reject or hurt you, or to feel better and superior to them.
The good news is, most people don’t care about your self-image. They’ll like and respect you no matter what image you have. It really makes no difference to them, as much as your brain makes it seem. People care more about how they feel being around and talking to you than the self-image you have.
Self image mattered during hunter-gather days, where only so many roles could fit into a tribe or group. But living in a culture and society where there’s thousands to millions of people, most aren’t as concerned or hung up about it. If they are, there are thousands and millions of other people to hang out with instead.
Conclusion
This is one reason for your procrastination, self-image.
The real problem with self-image isn’t having one, it’s when your mind becomes so invested in protecting it.
If you go on stage, you might find out you’re not that funny.
If you enter the competition, you might find out you’re not skilled.
If you try out for the play, you might find out you're not that talented.
This is exactly why procrastinating feels so enticing.
Unfortunately, guarding that image comes at a cost. It keeps you from testing yourself, improving, or doing the thing you so desire.
So, the next time you find yourself procrastinating, ask yourself, what self-image feels threatened?
What image are you holding that you’re too afraid to damage?
Is holding on to that image worth holding yourself back?
